Kim Junsu
As he was the best man in my heart for now, let’s start with him. In my eyes, he is an unique personality. When he sings and when he jokes, it was like seeing two person. If I heard his singing, especially the mellow one (eg. “Love in the Ice”, “Beautiful Things”, “Chae Nuhm”, “Rainy Night”), in my mental images, there’s NO Junsu who laughs cutely, telling lame jokes cheerfully, or Junsu who throw oyaji gags here and there just to make some good laugh. Sometimes, seeing his two personality makes me wonder about how his exact feeling when doing so. Is he just like me, empty inside? I want to say I know how he feel but since I’m not then I can’t tell, but he makes me wondering; because sometimes, I just can see emptiness on his eyes through the pictures of many screen caps or even from some videos. There are too much sides of him that I found through the videos and many pictures observation that I can’t seem to tell which of it that was the real him. It makes me lost myself. As cliché as it sounds, it draws me to him, and his sing even yet to count. I love to hear his voice when singing, it was an awesome feeling, he rub in my wound with his voice, and seriously, it feels good. Yes, I am a masochist by heart. I know Jaejoong had the most wonderful voice in Dongbangshinki BUT only Junsu’s undid my knots. Funny fact, first time I know Dongbangshinki, I didn’t even care to remember his name because by then Yunho matter the most. When did I fall for him? Last year? I don’t quite remember but I think it was some time after Rising Sun, then I start spotting him, day by day until I forget that it was Yunho who help me go through the darkness. And I definitely not looking away from him if he makes some mistakes, I can see his ugly sides and still love but with Yunho, I can’t and won’t look at it; like I can’t accept his ugly sides. Yes. I love Junsu more than Yunho now.
Jung Yunho
In my eyes, he is an amazing person. Wonderful one. Once my God. A big brother for me now. Maybe because I am the only children in my family, I always seem to search some figure that feels like brother, so I’d know how it feels to be protected, yeah kind of that feeling. Being the only children in a not so normal family with once mad father and now mad mother, having a big brother to look up is a good feeling. And yeah, truth to be told, the first time I saw him on my 21” TV screen, it was “love at the first sight”; looking back at it now, maybe because I lose a good figure of father that time, I didn’t know how it feels to have a father who you can look up too, because hell, I’d be damned if I look up to my dad back then. And I found the feeling I want to find on him. He helped me through my darkness. His smiles, his hardwork, his behaviors, his tears, his laugh, his voice, his crooked teeth (I missed it, damnit. T_T)-- short to say, anything that IS him help me to become me. I wore mask with my friends. I laughed, I cried and other “I” that I did, sometimes, it was only another surface to hide me. And he made me realized that. It was hard to wear mask and laughing but crying at the same time. It was too painful. Too empty. Then I breakthrough, trying to not hide myself. People change. I change. This is me. Can’t believe it, can’t accept it, then leave but please, don’t forgets. People live in remembrance. You can hate me, you can leave me alone but by forgetting me, you kill me. I hold on to that. I am fine with my friends leaving me, though not all of them because my best friend stick with me until now (though yes, I admit I’m not being a good friend for her now, and when was the last time we text each other??) Anything and everything that happened, people who helped me go through it were my family and TVXQ, especially Yunho. That’s HOW much I love him. And I still.
YooSu Couple
Because they are real. End of the words. LOL. Yes, I hope they’re real, if not then just please kill me, thank you. They make me laugh, they make me wonder how it feels like to be loved. Let’s do some analysis. Yoochun adored Junsu. And Junsu adored Yoochun. Can you see that? Good. If not, I can provide pictures to prove it. Nods. Next is, Yoochun can’t stop touching Su. Hey, I did some observation with almost all TVXQ videos I have, that can prove my point. Their look of love to each other when they sing their duet part. Oh come on, it’s impossible not to see it. And if you compare their look of love with, for example, the way Junsu look at the other when he’s singing or the way Yoochun look at the other when he’s singing, it was different. Or if not, then it’s all my over-imagination. The reason why I love them, like I stated above, they make me laugh. I love to laugh, but that simple thing was rarely done by me because simply, laughing your heart out or laughing freely isn’t something that can be done easily. And they can make me do it. My friend (seriously, I love my friends, I won’t be able to live if I don’t have any friend) can make me laugh, but sometimes, it was only an empty laugh, not a laughter that coming from the heart. Yeah, I know I look so erh how to put it? It wasn’t about I only do things with my friends halfheartedly, but it was more to protect myself. Like I said to my friend before, it’s hard to put your trust on friendship if people you consider as a friend had betrayed you once. Gaining a friend is easy, but gaining trust from friendship, I think it was a hard task. Lol, and YooSu is a good example about friendship and trust.
TVXQ
Well, in my eyes, they are everything. They taught me everything. To be honest with myself, to work harder, to be a better person. They are my idol. Five of them are one. I realized I can do many things on my own, but without my friends I am actually nothing. I learn that from them. I learn how to respect people, how to cry and laugh at the same time without wearing some mask. I am not good with words, but they are my saviours. I owe them my life; aside from my family, they are my number one.
Kim Heechul
In my eyes, I think he wasn’t as strong as he wants to be. He wasn’t fragile one too. Like me. When people think I can’t get hurt by the simple thing they’d done to me, it hurts twice. But he was my opposite, if I protect myself by wearing mask, he protects himself by being offensive. But luckily, the people surrounds us know it. I am glad my friend can tolerate me, and I am more glad that Heechul has friends too. Actually, grh, I think I don’t describe him good enough. He is new for me. If I had my eyes for Su, Ho, and YooSu for years already, I think I like Chul since I knew he can cry. Remember Star King where Chullie cried? I think I realized I like him too since then. And then like always, I do some observation to him, and well the conclusion is what I’ve write above. I think I should observe him more. Hmm.
L. Lawliet (Ryuuzaki)
In my eyes, he was a character that’s unique. I see him as a person who seek comfort with loneliness, but when he met Light, he finally met his friend and he was being honest with it, but there’s a part of him that was protective of himself. He laid naked, letting the other to see him but he also do that to protect himself. Gah, I am not good with explaining things. His personality is my heart. That is the simplest way I can explain why I love him.
